Aging is not usually something a young couple thinks about when they envision their future. They envision marrying, possibly having kids, but beyond that their considerations don’t go much further. It’s amazing how some couples can be married 10, 20, 30 years or more! We know we want that, but what wisdom can we employ to get there? The wisdom comes from couples who have aged their relationship well and also, science mother nature has to offer us. Enjoy this article on how you can appreciate your relationship as it changes, while you and your partner change both together and separately, and continue to grow better and better with each year that passes.
The Importance of Independent Happiness
Studies show that in couples observed over many years, each individual followed patterns set by their partners. When an individual reported feeling low at some points in the relationship, it was very likely their partner also reported feeling low on a scale of 1 to 5. Highs and lows are inevitable in every relationship, but each partner seemed to follow suit the other partner’s feelings. This is why it is important to maintain your identity, care for yourself and not rely on the other to influence your happiness so you do not lose sight of your own personhood and responsibility to your own being. The happier you are individually, the better you will influence your relationship and partner! It should be noted that it was much more likely that the woman’s emotions followed the man’s emotions than vice versa.
Getting Out or Getting Help When Stuck In Power Struggle
Three stages of love are present in relationships that reach “full term”, the romantic or honeymoon phase, the power struggle and finally the mature relationship. Unfortunately many make it to the power struggle phase and stay there for a long period of time, if not forever until the relationship has failed. At this point is when effort and change must take place to get out of the rut. The rut is likely caused by an innate human stubbornness where we resist change to stay in a routine that’s comfortable or what our ego considers safe. In order to override this survival mechanism we often need help, in the form of a book or counseling. Both parties must agree to do the “work”. The work consists of understanding the differences and needs of both sexes and valuing the relationship and its future MORE than being right.
Good Co-Habitation Habits
Living together for some time can drive you crazy in the form of your partner’s annoying living choices: how they do laundry, the dishes, how they spend their time, how they chew their food, etc. Or perhaps you are the one being nitpicked for these things and that is just as annoying. Every thing that annoys you is a sign of something you need to apply work, not to get them to change, but to change yourself. Your relationship’s success requires it. Being positive about your partner is one of the best medicines for this ailment. Making new goals, sharing and enjoying something or building something new together is just what is needed to create a positive environment you may not have had lately. The Yin to this Yang is also needed, healthy time apart doing something you enjoy or socializing with other healthy friends.
Letting Go of The Past and Embracing The Future
Why stick it out in the last half or third of your life? Because you have come this far! The things you’ve endured and being able to celebrate the fact you’re still together, if even in rough shape are accomplishments. You will likely never have to relive the types of things you’ve gone through together again, and new opportunities to enjoy each other are presenting themselves now like prizes you have unlocked with your perseverance. Perhaps the children are out of the house, you are retired, financial stable and more free to explore than ever before. Even if you met in your 30s, if you find yourself together in your 50s, you have practically “grown up” together. Would you want to begin with someone new who cannot share that history? The connection is there and it is strong, it’s up to both parties to make it a positive connection and love each other MORE than being right. Some lucky people can tell their spouse “I love you more than cake”. What do you love your spouse more than?